Navigating Grief: Tips to Maintain Your Mental Health

Grief, a universal experience, takes an often complex toll on mental health, especially for adults over 50. Navigating the loss of a spouse, parent, sibling, or close friend in later life can trigger unique challenges and vulnerabilities.

While grieving is an expected response to any significant loss, it can take on a uniquely difficult character for individuals over 50. This age group often faces additional life circumstances and vulnerabilities that can intensify the emotional toll of grief.

Heightened Vulnerability 

Many individuals in their 50s and beyond may already be managing pre-existing mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or chronic illness. These conditions can act as underlying vulnerabilities, amplifying the emotional impact of grief and making it harder to cope. The loss can feel like another weight on an already burdened system, leading to deeper despair and anxiety.

Grief and your health can be connected. Mary-Frances O'Connor, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, is a specialist in the field of grief. It's well-established through epidemiological studies that there is an elevated risk of mortality following the loss of a loved one. O'Connor and her research team examined blood pressure as a potential factor contributing to this phenomenon. Among the individuals studied, those who exhibited the most pronounced symptoms of grief also showed the most significant increase in blood pressure when recalling their grief.

"This means that it isn't just the death of a loved one that impacts the heart, but our emotional response to loss that is affecting our heart."

Within her Department of Psychology's Grief, Loss, and Social Stress Lab, Mary-Frances O'Connor investigates an intervention known as "progressive muscle relaxation." This technique teaches individuals in mourning to intentionally tense and then completely release the major muscle groups in their bodies. Such a body-focused approach can offer valuable assistance to individuals dealing with grief, helping them manage their sorrow and reduce stress levels.

Loss of Support Network

Sadly, the later stages of life often coincide with the passing of close friends, relatives, and even siblings. This can shrink an individual's support network at a time when it's needed most. The isolation and lack of readily available confidantes can create a sense of loneliness and exacerbate feelings of grief.

Life Transitions

Grief rarely occurs in isolation. For individuals over 50, it can intertwine with significant life transitions like retirement, career changes, or navigating an empty nest after children leave home. This creates a complex emotional landscape where grief must compete for space with other adjustments and uncertainties. The sense of loss can feel compounded by the changing landscape of one's life, leading to disorientation and a struggle to find new meaning.

Identity Redefinition 

When someone close passes away, it can shake the very foundation of our self-understanding. The loss can force a painful re-evaluation for older adults who have built their lives and identities around specific roles and relationships. Grief can trigger questions about who they are without the deceased, leading to feelings of uncertainty and disorientation as they navigate this new emotional terrain.

Grief is a challenging journey that can significantly impact your mental health. Understanding how to manage your mental well-being during this difficult period is essential. There are several strategies to help you cope with grief and prioritize your mental health.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Grief often brings forth a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and depression. Recognizing and accepting these feelings rather than suppressing or ignoring them is crucial. Acknowledging your emotions is the first step in addressing your mental health during grief.

Seek Support

Building a support system is vital when you're grieving. Reach out to friends, family, support groups, or therapists who can provide understanding and a safe space for you to express your thoughts and feelings. Connecting with others can alleviate the sense of loneliness that grief can bring.

Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is instrumental in maintaining good mental health while grieving. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is essential. This includes getting enough rest, engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, journaling your thoughts, and participating in activities that bring you joy. Recognize the signs of unhealthy coping mechanisms for grief and replace them with healthy self-care practices.

Manage Your Expectations

Grief is a non-linear process that varies from day to day. It's crucial to manage your expectations and be patient with yourself as you navigate your grief. Understand that there's no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone's journey is unique. Practicing self-compassion is essential during this period.

Create a Memorial

Honoring the memory of your loved one can be a meaningful way to cope with grief. Consider creating a memorial through art, gardening, journaling, or making a charitable donation in their name. These acts can provide closure and a sense of connection to the person you've lost.

Taking care of your mental health while grieving is paramount. Following these tips can help you find solace and acceptance as you navigate the complex emotions that come with grief. Remember that there's no universal formula for grieving, and it's okay to seek support and prioritize your well-being during this challenging time.

Supporting Another in Grief While You Grieve Too

Supporting someone who is grieving is never easy, and the situation becomes even more complex when you yourself are also grappling with loss. Whether you're a friend or an adult child navigating the grief of a spouse and a parent simultaneously, here are some ways you can still offer meaningful support to someone else experiencing their own loss:

Acknowledge Your Own Grief 

Don't minimize your own pain. You can't pour from an empty cup, so prioritize your healing through journaling, therapy, or connecting with your support network. This doesn't make you uncaring but rather ensures you have the emotional stability to be present for others.

Listen with Empathy

The key to supporting someone else's grief is being a compassionate listener. Hold space for their emotions, whether it's sadness, anger, or even numb silence. Validate their feelings and avoid offering unsolicited advice or trying to "fix" their pain.

Focus on Practical Help

Grief can be overwhelming, leaving little energy for daily tasks. Offer concrete assistance like grocery shopping, cooking meals, running errands, or helping with childcare. Sharing these burdens can alleviate stress and free up mental space for them to process their loss.

Connect Them with Resources

Grief support groups, individual therapy, or online resources can offer invaluable guidance and connection. Suggest these options gently, respecting their autonomy while demonstrating your willingness to help them access these supports.

Create Shared Memories

Reminiscing about the deceased can be cathartic for both of you. Look at photos, share stories, or engage in activities that honor their memory together. This shared experience can foster connection and offer comfort while acknowledging the shared loss.

Acknowledge the Uniqueness of Their Grief

Remember, everyone grieves differently. Respect their individual timeline and needs. Don't compare their reactions to your own or hold them to an arbitrary standard.

Be Patient and Understanding

Grief is a long and unpredictable journey. There will be good days and bad days. Offer unwavering support without judgment and give them the space they need to express their emotions freely.

Remember, even while managing your own grief, your presence and empathy can make a significant difference in someone else's healing journey. Offer what you can, honor your limitations, and encourage them to seek professional help if needed. Together, you can navigate this difficult time and find support in shared understanding and compassion.

The Long Goodbye: Grieving in Long-Term Care

While surrounded by care, older adults in long-term care facilities can face profound grief upon losing a spouse. This grief, interwoven with their life stage, requires sensitive support.

Instead of outward displays, their emotional storm may be internalized, encompassing sadness, fear, and isolation. Recognizing this and respecting their coping mechanisms is key.

Offer a listening ear, validate their emotions, and encourage reminiscing. Rekindle joy through their preferred activities and social connections.

Professional guidance from geriatric specialists can further support their emotional processing. Remember, grief is a journey. Be their compassionate companion, ensuring they never feel truly alone.

Finding Solace in Faith: How Religion Can Ease Grief

While grieving is a profoundly personal experience, some individuals find solace and comfort in the embrace of their faith. Religion can offer a powerful framework for understanding loss, providing answers to existential questions about death and the afterlife. It can also foster a sense of belonging and community, connecting mourners with others who share their beliefs and rituals.

Fr. Matthew Schneider, Director of the National Catholic Partnership on Disability, says the Church plays a vital role in offering compassionate support, practical assistance, and spiritual guidance.

Grieving in later life often carries distinct challenges – isolation, diminished resources, and the complex emotions of a well-lived life.

For people facing grief, religious practices like prayer, meditation, or attending services can bring a sense of peace and meaning. Rituals surrounding death and mourning can provide structure and comfort, offering a space to express grief openly and spiritually connect with the deceased. Additionally, the belief in a higher power can offer hope for the future, reminding mourners that their loved one is not truly gone and that they will eventually reunite.

However, it's important to remember that religion isn't a magic solution for grief. For some, it may deepen their pain by raising unanswered questions or clashing with personal beliefs. Ultimately, whether or not religious faith eases grief is a deeply individual experience. But for those who find solace in their beliefs, it can be a powerful source of strength and meaning during this difficult time.