Family Caregivers Resist Asking for Help - Care Recipients Usually Don't Want the Help - No Plan Means a Family Crisis
You will be no different when you get older. Your aging parents don't want to need long-term health care, and they will not want to be a burden to their families. Another truth is they don't want to ask for help either.
Due to their parents' reluctance to accept help or care at home, adult children often find themselves in a situation where they have the added responsibility of ensuring their needs are met, even if they resist this help.
Geriatrician Lee A. Lindquist, MD, MPH, MBA, says some older adults think if they accept help, they may have to leave their homes.
Many seniors think that by accepting help, it'll cause them to leave their home to go into a care setting. Therefore, they think if they don't accept help, they'll stay in their home longer. It's actually the reverse. It's about enabling them to stay in their homes longer by accepting help.
Dr. Lindquist acknowledges that receiving help carries a lot of stigmas. However, this knowledge can be used to establish meaningful conversations with those close to you.
Ultimately, it's about helping seniors age in place, which is what's best for most seniors, and trying to find a win-win situation for everyone.
Can Older Adults Remain at Home?
Pamela D. Wilson, MS, BS/BA, NCG, CSA, a National Certified Guardian, and Certified Senior Advisor, says that older adults want to age in place in their homes; the question is, can they?
Aging adults talk about how staying at home during retirement years is a dream; however, few know what it really takes to make this happen.
Wilson says that family caregivers don't have the answers either. These family caregivers struggle as their parent's needs increase, and they cannot provide the proper care they require.
Caregivers Face Stress and Burnout
Wilson says they lose balance in their daily lives and experience greater stress and burnout. These often untrained and unprepared caregivers feel overwhelmed by their duties as a caregiver, and they don't want to ask for help.
Caregiving is a family matter since few people ever discuss or plan about their aging and the consequence declining health can have on them and their families. The lack of planning creates a family crisis.
If your parents didn't plan, what can you do? Will your parents listen to your advice? Will you listen to advice?
Being Open to Help
Wilson says that admitting that help is needed in caregiving situations is difficult. Caregivers feel like they can do it all. No one in a caregiving situation wants to look like they cannot do what needs to be done.
But these family caregivers and the aging adults they care for need to learn more about caregiving. This gap between wanting to do it all and not knowing all of the complexities of caregiving can result in unintended harm to loved ones.
There are sources of help for aging parents and their family caregivers who find themselves in a crisis they have not planned for before the crisis. Wilson offers many resources that help, but sometimes, people fear trusting online caregiving programs, support groups, and courses.
While we all get older, the need for long-term health care takes people by surprise. Her course, ""Stay at Home,"" helps aging adults and aging parents stay at home. Most people want to remain at home when they get older and require help with daily living activities. While they regret not planning, being open to help and taking proactive actions to accept the support will make the situation easier for everyone involved.
Wilson says that seeking help early will increase the available choices in caregiving situations, thus reducing the stress and burdens generally placed on family caregivers.
Most seniors — 93% of Medicare enrollees aged 65 and older in 2009 — are already aging in place in traditional communities. Robyn Stone, executive director of the LeadingAge Center for Applied Research, says aging in place at home is what most seniors do until they can't.
Most people are doing that until they aren't doing it… it's only when they reach either a crisis or a change in their condition or functional status or in, many times, their family support" that they can no longer remain in their homes.
Family Caregivers Need Help - They Tend to Avoid Asking
Many family caregivers were unprepared for how difficult the job would be. For some, the role of caregiver came on them suddenly, with little time to prepare. While others anticipated it, they underestimated the amount of work that would be required of them. Whether or not becoming a caregiver was planned, it is nearly impossible to do so alone.
The concept of asking for assistance is frequently misunderstood by family caregivers. Since many caregivers see asking for help as a sign of weakness or inadequacy, they are often reluctant to do so. Experts say that is the furthest thing from the truth.
An AARP study shows that only 46% of family caregivers ask for or seek help. Caregivers report problems attending to their own health and well-being while managing caregiving responsibilities. Yet many family caregivers are stubborn, like their older parents, and the result is not good for either the caregiver or the care recipient.
Lucille Carriere, Ph.D., health psychologist for Cleveland Clinic, says that research shows caregiving can take a significant emotional, physical and financial toll on a person.
Family caregiving is an incredibly intensive and time consuming experience. We typically see this in more complex medical diagnoses, such as dementia, where we see a lot of unfortunately negative effects for family caregivers.
According to data from a Cleveland Clinic and Parade Media survey, 36% of caregivers suffer from depression and anxiety, which is 114% more than non-caregivers.
There are many resources for families to seek help from professional in-home care providers, including respite care, adult day care centers, and even assisted living.
Families find themselves in crisis because of a lack of planning on the part of the older adult. The family can't do anything about that other than deal with the situation. They should also consider preparing now, so their families don't suffer the same consequences when their health declines as they age.
Use Your Parent's Experience to Benefit Your Future
Many experts say the realities of longevity should get our attention as we see our parents get older themselves. Have you thought about your future aging? The consequences of declining health, mobility problems and even dementia have a tremendous impact on our families and finances.
Long-term health care costs are rising rapidly across the country due to the increasing demand for care and higher labor costs. Even part-time care is expensive. The costs vary depending on where you live. While nursing home costs are the costliest, assisted living, adult day care, and in-home care is not inexpensive either.
The LTC NEWS Cost of Care Calculator will cost you current and future long-term health care costs where you live. In addition, you will see state-specific information about long-term care in your state. Find the information where you live - LTC NEWS Cost of Care Calculator.
Don't Depend on Health Insurance or Medicare
Remember, health insurance, including Medicare, will not be an answer as it will not cover most long-term health care expenses. Medicaid will pay for long-term health care, but the care recipient must have little or no income and assets to qualify for those benefits. Keep in mind most Medicaid benefits are paid in a nursing home, the place most people want to avoid.
Long-Term Care Insurance can be very helpful, but these policies must be purchased before needing care due to medical underwriting. Most people obtain coverage in their 50s.
LTC Insurance will provide the funding for your choice of quality care options in your home or a facility. The money from the policy will safeguard your income and assets and preserve your lifestyle and legacy. But LTC Insurance also benefits the family by giving loved ones the time to be family instead of caregivers.
There are resources available if your parent needs help now. But don't ignore your future aging by preparing now.